Let's try this again shall we?

A new year, thoughts on NYFW etc. etc.

Boy, oh boy, have I been missing or what? In my defense, this lady has had a lot going on. Summer came and went with a few trips in between and a whole lot of doctors appointments. And then September swung around and I got shot out of a canon from the snoozy last few weeks of August right into the bi-annual maelstrom that is otherwise known as New York Fashion Week— with my birthday smack in the middle of that as well.

Normally I find this semi-regular dance a bit exhausting, and don’t get me wrong, once the shows wound down and the crowd bounced onward to Europe, I was completely falling apart at the hinges. But let me tell you, while some people have said that NYFW is the white refrigerator of fashion month (an opinion I wouldn’t necessarily disagree with), good god did I have fun. This is from me, introvert extraordinaire! (Frankly, I went to only 2 parties so that definitely helped.)

I think a lot of that is thanks to the transitions of the last year. I started my 31st birthday by ripping my favorite pair of jeans right up the ass while I was wearing them, and a month later my ceiling in my apartment caved in, thanks to a flood upstairs. Basically, I’d characterize age 31 with the word rupture. I even rounded the year out with a chronic illness diagnosis. As it turns out, my perennial fatigue … not so much because I was born 80, but because I have a health challenge that will require management for the rest of my life. Oops! But honestly, finally getting this confirmation (as opposed to spiraling my way to emotional rock bottom in a WebMD rabbit hole) really validated something I knew about myself for a very long time. I just needed the space to figure out how to build a structure and foundation that allows me to take care of my special needs and also live my life the way I want to. That’s very much a work in progress.

But I also rounded out a year of many challenges with a very elegant (if I do say so myself) distillation of both my understanding of who I am and what brings me joy. I mean, the day before my birthday, and in the midst of the all hubbub of running from show to show and trying to manage the threat of bodily rebellion, there was a massive thunderstorm that ended with a double rainbow. How very apropros. In the letting go of so much that didn’t work for me, I started 32 with a whole lot of clarity that I really love the people in my life, and I really love my job. I’m doing exactly what I wanted to do as a teenager, and I have settled into real confidence that I am talented at what I do. A lot of people spend their whole lives striving for that kind of self-assurance. And I kicked off 32 saying “I really did that!” I mean, 16 year old me would die, D-I-E at the thought of doing a thimble’s worth of what I have had the opportunity to do in the last year. I went to Haute Couture with Dior Beauty! How cool is that?! So, if I have to restructure things for myself out of care for my health needs, that’s really worth it, if it allows me to continue to thrive both in my career and personal life.

Fashion week used to cause me intense anxiety, for the obvious reasons of feeling like the number one pork chop who doesn’t quite fit in. Forget feeling like maybe I’m not perfect enough or my outfit isn’t cool. Call it the lasting effects of high school PTSD—with the caveat that I never worried that my outfits weren’t good in high school, because they were. This season, I allowed myself to take some space from the ego of it all and tried to take it all in. Sure, there are some shows that don’t seat me, and of course, plenty of parties that I don’t get invited to. But I worked really hard to get to where I am and I’m trying to allow myself to enjoy it, if not trying to not take it too seriously. Because I really do think that with hard work and the space to do what is best for me, I will get where I want to go. I didn’t even have any meltdowns about what to wear. My dear friend Tariro will tell you that not receiving a phone call from me sobbing from my bathroom floor that I have “nothing to wear and needed to leave 10 minutes ago” is a welcome change. This year there was a vague outfit plan that hinged upon, “Do I love this? Do I feel good and comfortable? Am I having fun? Ok great! It’s time to go!”

Then there’s the good people watching and the creativity of it all. Sure, there’s a lot of nonsense. But it is kind of … funny. And TBH, I appreciate a piece of beautiful tailoring or artful pairing of contrasting textures all that much more because there are days when wearing the clothes that I love is literally painful. No word of a lie, sometimes a necklace, a turtleneck, or even a pair of sunglasses will trigger neck and head pain that all but renders me ineffective for a full day afterwords. But instead of feeling like the things that I love—that make every day fun and exciting—are being ripped away from me, I really do feel like I am even more connected to my sense of what I love and what brings me joy! How fab?!

All of which to say, I really hope that I give myself the space to expand in this space of my creativity this year ahead. Because I really do deserve it. More soon!

Your friend,

Roxy